What if She Says No When You Propose

You’ve been dating over a year, and things are going great. Your future together looks bright, and you’ve found the perfect ring. With a romantic plan fully thought out down to the finest detail, you’re ready to take a knee and ask the biggest of all questions. Everything is set—or at least you thought so.

When it gets right down to it, a marriage proposal really boils down to a yes or no proposition. If you’ve gone so far as to save up for a ring and plan the perfect proposal, chances are you were convinced about the answer you’d get. Unfortunately, some recent data suggests that a growing number of women are saying “no” when the guys asking the question were certain they’d say “yes!”

Although there are many things you can do before you pop that big question to assure you’ll get the answer you anticipate, in this short article, we’ll take a look at what to do if she does, in fact, turn you down.

1. How She Says “No” Says A Lot

Typically, there are three broad reasons you might get “no” as the answer you really didn’t want to hear, but there are differences in the way “no” comes about, and the way she responds will be a pretty good indicator of whether or not the relationship is salvageable. If you can stay calm and avoid an emotional knee-jerk reaction at feeling rejected, you may learn that not all is lost.

2. “I’m Just Not Ready Yet”

The best possible “no” is if she says “not now.” It could be that she’s not ready for a number of reasons, including wanting to finish school, focus on her career, or she just may feel that she’s too young. Whatever the reason, use the opportunity to figure out what kind of future she sees for herself, and how you fit into it.

The decision about whether to stay in the relationship is now in your hands, and you should get all the information you can. Do you want to stay in the relationship until your partner is ready? If your answer here is yes, you may need to back away and give her some space for a bit, so she can figure out how she feels about you and marriage. She might even be able to find a way to say “yes” to your proposal.

3. “I Never Want to Get Married”

Another kind of “no” you might hear is more like a “never.” It may be that your partner just doesn’t want to get married to anyone. Ever. Perhaps she is against the institution itself, or maybe her parents went through an ugly divorce when she was young, and she never saw marriage as something joyous to be celebrated. Regardless of her reasons for not wanting to get married, you’ll need to reconsider how important marriage is to you.

Many long-term, loving, and stable relationships exist without being officially approved by town hall. If that’s an option, you’ll need to decide that you’re ok with that—not all men are. And because you may or may not be able to change her mind about marriage as an institution, if you definitely want to be married, you probably shouldn’t wait around for a marriage that may never happen.

4. “I Don’t Want to Marry You”

The worst “no” by far is the one that singles you out as the reason for the negative response, and it’s certainly the most devastating. If she’s always dreamed of being married, and is at a good place in her life and career, but just doesn’t want to marry you, it is simply time to move on. A rejection like that is a clear statement that the relationship is not salvageable in any way: there’s no mistaking where you stand.

In this case, there’s no need to ask her why. Not only will you appear needy and desperate, no matter what the answer is, nothing good can come of it. Asking why will simply prolong the inevitable. If you absolutely must know, wait until you’ve been apart for a while before sending your query in a note or email. You may get an answer that will be useful in future relationships (rejection is, after all, an ‘opportunity for growth’), but you may find that after a bit of time passes, you really don’t need or even want to know her reasons.

5. Moving On

If you’ve gotten that worst kind of “no—I don’t want to marry you,” there are some things you can do to ease the sting and help you get back on track with your life. First of all, try not to keep quiet about it and let it eat at you. Reaching out to trusted friends at this time is probably the most important thing you can do. Not only will they offer a sympathetic ear, and help you get back out into the swing of things in the world, but chances are they’ve been through something similar and can offer some concrete advice.

Getting turned down can make you feel embarrassed, angry, and even ashamed. Processing those feelings will take time, perhaps quite a bit of time, but with the help of friends and family, you will move on, and eventually see the ‘engagement that wasn’t’ as a break up that was ultimately for the best.

6. Lose the Ring

One final thing to consider when moving on from a rejected engagement proposal is the ring. While you might be tempted to keep it in case you find the right partner, it’s always better to get rid of the ring. Keeping a ring that your partner refused is a tangible reminder of that rejection, and selling it will help you put a symbolic end to the relationship.

Diamond Estate Jewelry Buyers can make you a cash offer for an unwanted engagement ring or other bridal jewelry today. Our online service is a safe and secure way to sell your unwanted ring, which has been used by thousands of people all over the country.

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